Welcome back!
If you are just tuning in to our discernment series, I encourage you to check out our first post – Discernment: Covering Your Bases – where we considered how our faith, morals, values, and vocations help inform our decision-making. We also discussed some things that discernment requires of us, such as a well-formed conscience, intentional spiritual life, self-awareness, and the support of others. In this post, we will take a more practical look at the steps we can take to discern well.
Pray, hope, and don’t worry
As Catholics, we believe that all good things come from God and that He makes “all things work for good for those who love [Him], who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). This is good news! It means that God wants to participate in our discernment process and that discernment is about a call…an invitation to live a life of purpose. Whenever we enter into a time of discernment, we can trust that God has already been preparing the way for us. In Luke’s Gospel, Jesus invites us to consider how God cares for the birds and the flowers, reminding us that the Father already knows what we need and longs to provide for us (Lk 12:22-32). This is why the first step to discerning well should involve prayer.
When we pray, we allow God to speak to us in the quiet of our hearts. This is a sacred place where we discover more about ourselves, our desires, our goals, and the desires and goals that God has for us. This can feel intimidating sometimes, especially if we are inclined to overthink or have a strong sense of justice, wanting to ensure we are doing God’s will in our lives. If that is you, I would like to recommend a prayer attributed to St Thomas Merton (link). It is sometimes referred to as the surrender prayer or prayer of trust. In it, St Thomas reminds us that even our desire to please God pleases Him. This echoes the Bible’s teaching that God knows our hearts and attends to them. While God wants to be part of our decision-making, He also gives us the gift of free will so that we can make our own decisions. So how can I remember to use my free will and to see it as a gift from God?
Free will and God’s Will
Free will can be a tricky business. Sometimes we fall into the trap of using our free will to do whatever we want, while other times we forget that our free will is a gift from God. Free will is a necessary part of human life and gives us the ability to truly love God and our neighbor. If God did not give us free will and simply forced us to do what He wanted us to do, then our love and actions would be robotic and inauthentic. The reality is, God is not a puppeteer. He invites us to do good and gives us the instruction and authority we need to do just that through scripture, the Church, and our free will.
St Paul tells us, “For freedom Christ set us free…but do not use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh; rather, serve one another through love” (Galatians 5:1 & 13). St Paul then explains how the works of the flesh contrast with the fruits of the Spirit – a contrast worth considering. In Veritatis Splendor, Pope St John Paul II also reminds us that freedom does not give us license to do whatever we want. It is not a freedom FROM something (i.e., laws, responsibilities, morals, etc.), but a freedom FOR something…a freedom to do good. While we should strive to unite our will to God’s Will as much as we can by forming our conscience in the truth, God also gives us free will as an authority to make decisions in His name. This can help us move forward with confidence, even when we do not feel a clear sense of direction from God in prayer. When we offer our hearts to God in sincerity, we can trust Him to direct or redirect us when necessary.
Know thyself
Once we have invited God into our discernment and considered the gift of our free will, we can take the next practical steps of self-reflection and exploration. Self-reflection often begins during prayer and involves reflecting on our own interests, desires, gifts, and goals. This is also the time to familiarize ourselves with our own faith, morals, values, and vocational responsibilities. Self-reflection can be exciting for some people as it offers an opportunity for self-discovery; however, others may feel stuck here as they have never reflected on these things. Family and friends can be a great resource for self-reflection as they often notice parts of us that we miss or overlook. Some other tools might include journaling or personality inventories such as the MBTI, Myers-Briggs, or Temperament tests. These assessments can help us learn about ourselves by focusing on elements of our personalities. At the same time, we want to be careful not to use them as an excuse to limit our self-understanding. Remember, God made you “unique and unrepeatable!” (Pope Francis, Fratelli Tutti)
While self-reflection helps us understand ourselves, exploration helps us connect our interests, desires, gifts, and goals to the rest of the world. Perhaps I discover in prayer and self-reflection that I have a desire to live humbly and to serve others through acts of kindness. Exploring careers, volunteer opportunities, hobbies, and vocations that support those goals can help give my discernment a sense of direction. Exploration is simply about considering our options and learning more about them. Just as with self-reflection, our family, friends, and network can be a great help here. We can also use resources like career assessments (e.g., O*NET Interest Profiler), career fairs, vocation retreats (e.g., Come and See, Andrew Dinner, etc.), books, AI, and online tools to help us investigate. Keep in mind that exploration is NOT commitment. Just because I am looking into something does not mean I have to commit myself to it! Part of the discernment process is evaluating and rerouting when necessary. That is why it is so important to have support along the way.
It takes a village
In our first post, we touched on the need for support in discernment. My own decision to become a counselor was influenced by friends who recognized my dissatisfaction with my engineering studies and encouraged me to revisit self-reflection. While support often comes in the form of family and friends, it can also be found in spiritual directors, counselors, and intercessors. If you feel like support is lacking in your life, try joining a group at your church or in your local community. Many parishes can also connect you with spiritual directors and counseling services in your area that might offer you more personalized support on your discernment journey.
What to do when I still feel fear or anxiety?
Sometimes after praying, using our free will, exploring, reflecting, and gathering support, we can still feel afraid or anxious about our lives. If you have ever felt like that, you are not alone! If you feel like that now, I would encourage you to spend some time considering the origin of your fears. Try asking yourself: Am I afraid of making the wrong decision? Do I fear the responsibility of discernment? Are others making me second-guess my goals and desires? Do I fear the unknown? Maybe you feel a general sense of anxiety where your mind is constantly overthinking or considering “what if” statements. What if I can’t do it? What if they don’t like me? “What if my heart stops beating? What if I’m looking for a bathroom, I can’t find it, and my bladder explodes?” (Bob Wiley, What About Bob?).
All jokes aside, fear and anxiety can frustrate our discernment process. When we notice these feelings surfacing during discernment, it sometimes means we need to slow down, take a step back, and address them before moving forward. This may seem counterintuitive. How am I supposed to make informed decisions if I keep getting sidetracked by my fears and anxieties? I imagine the rich young man felt the same way when Jesus told him to go and sell what he had before beginning the journey to follow Him (19:16-22) or when He told the crowd that if they had anything against their brother, they should leave their gift at the altar and be reconciled with him before returning to offer their gift to God (Matthew 5:23-24). Even Martha became frustrated when Jesus redirected her attention after she became upset with her sister’s decision to sit at Jesus’ feet rather than help her (Luke 10:41-42). My point is, healing is an essential part of discernment and sometimes needs to take place before we can get to what often feels like the “more important” work.
If you are particularly interested in vocational discernment, I invite you to check out the next and final post in our discernment series – Discernment: What is my vocation?