Anger Management

“Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” Ephesians 4:26

Anger is a normal feeling that we all experience from time to time. However, it can also negatively affect someone’s life in numerous ways, as well as hurt loved ones, colleagues, and even strangers. It’s impossible to be joyful and angry at the same time. One purpose of anger is to motivate us to restore right relationship with another person or group. It is an emotion that moves us to pursue justice despite the presence of obstacles. In the Old Testament, anger is mentioned 355 times, and 275 of these incidences refer to God and his desire to restore right relationship with man.

Anger is actually a secondary emotion. For example, anger it is kind of like the tip of an iceberg. Everyone can see what’s on top, but there is a lot more happening beneath the surface. It comes from real or imagined pain that takes one of three forms: hurt, fear, or perceived injustice. Once you gain insights about what’s beneath your anger then you can begin to make some real progress in addressing it in healthier ways and overcoming it. 

Anger should be an expression of love and respect, but it can often take the form of aggression and can become pervasive and out of control. Aggression is an ineffective and immoral way of handling anger that causes harm to someone or something else. Anger should be serving our highest goals, but when not addressed properly, it can cause multiple issues within our relationships with other people and our own health.

Did you know?

• 45% of people regularly lose their temper at work.
• More than one in ten (12%) persons say that they have trouble controlling their own anger.
• One in five people (20%) report that they have ended a relationship or friendship with someone because of how they behaved when they were angry.
• More than one in four people (28%) say that they worry about how angry they sometimes feel.
• 58% of people wouldn’t know where to seek support if they needed help with an anger problem.
• A recent study from Duke University reported that 10% of U.S. adults have both a history of impulsive anger and access to a firearm.
• Researchers have found that 1.5 percent of adults with impulsive anger issues also carry a gun.

Common symptoms include feeling irritable, having a short temper, lacking patience, struggling to calm down, reacting quickly and negatively over “small issues,” yelling, shouting, throwing things, damaging property, threatening others, increased negativity, having repetitive arguments, and regretting actions carried out in anger immediately after the event.

Anger can be caused by personality traits, fatigue, stress, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, poor childhood role models, or past trauma. Anger issues can lead to poor relationships with coworkers, family members, and friends. Pervasive anger can also lead to health problems such as high blood pressure and body aches.

Recommended Resources:

• Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner: This book helps the reader understand the source of their anger
• Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger by Thomas J. Harbin: This book is a helpful resource for men and discusses how to become free from anger
• Why Won’t You Apologize? by Harriet Lerner: This is a great resource for those that have family members or friends that offend others but never seem to apologize

How We Can Help: If you or a loved one suffers from one or more of the symptoms listed above, counseling can help by assisting you in discovering insight about your anger, developing new tools for dealing with your anger, and providing emotional support for making progress. A counselor can help with identifying what triggers your anger and what other emotions are underlying this anger, and help you develop cognitive and behavioral techniques to handle anger appropriately.

“Anyone can become angry—that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way—that is not easy.” – Aristotle